Accidental Mom

About 18 hours old  As if the journey of pregnancy and delivery did not bring enough physical change in its wake, then came the cascade of emotional changes. I was blessed at the finish line of this crazy path to motherhood with a pink squirming crying beautiful baby boy. And then it dawned on me over the ensuing days. I have to keep this delicate new person alive until I can hand him over to his own care when he's 18. Don't let him get maimed, keep all ten little fingers and toes attached. No brain damage. It started with the small step outside my front door. It went from the small concrete slab porch of our condo to our parking spots. There was a small step with a 3 or 4 inch rise half way to our cars. I couldn't carry my baby over it without the haunting idea that I was going to drop him and crack his delicate little head open on it like an egg. It didn't stop me from bringing him out of the house and into the world, but I would inch up to that

Before I Knew Prelude Before I knew was pregnant, I went to a super bowl party. I have absolutely no interest in sports, but those five margaritas really hit the spot. Sorry son, I didn't know you were in there. Despite my oblivion, others seemed aware that there was – just something about me. I left the bar a few minutes ahead of my other half as he finished up his post party goodbyes. I was parked across the lot from the front door and seemed to develop my own sort of gravitational pull between the two points. As I loaded a few items into my back seat a football player sized man on a very small moped followed me to tell me how beautiful I was. Once I was in my car another guy walked past the front of my car, saw me through the windshield, and started professing his love for me. I've never been THAT sort of pretty. I mean, I don't have angry townsfolk chasing me with torches and pitchforks insisting I wear a bag over my head, but this was unique ind

Trying to be fabulous as my lower body was drowning So when my pregnancy-induced water retention made it impossible to fit into any of my shoes I ended up at K-Mart. In the men's shoe department. Sigh. This Stay-Puft Marshmallow Momma now needed a size eight men's shoe. And not just any old shoe, but the basket ball slippers with the velcro tops so the height can be adjusted for my horrible case of brick-like Flintstone feet. I know these particular shoes are men's basketball slippers because my co-worker Taylor started laughing at me the day I waddled them into work – “those are the slippers Filipino b-boys wear to the basketball court!” Taylor is a Filipino fashionista. And no names have not been changed to protect the “innocent” (you laughed at the fat feet of a 9 ½ month pregnant woman from the comfort of your BCBG dress and perfect Sephora make up. I love you but screw you Taylor, under the bus with you). Taylor did not actually hu

          I noticed my lower body starting to expand and thicken during the course of pregnancy, most noticeably in my lower legs and especially my feet. This is saying something, because I am a pretty sturdy woman to begin with (or as a few men of color have complemented – “White Chocolate” and “Healthy”). At about week 34 this had become downright problematic, uncomfortable and even painful at times. The swelling got worse every day and everyone was telling me to put my feet up. I was working 6 days a week until I was about 35 or 36 weeks, then dropped to 5 work days a week until I hit my “work wall” a week or so later. I worked out with a trainer twice a week until about week 37 or 38, and awesome guy named Andrew who turned out to be the 3 rd person I announced my pregnancy to (the order went: Duncan the impregnator, the OB receptionist I made an appointment with, and then Andrew. He had to know for pregnancy safety reasons, and I settled into exhaustion so quickly my ph

Us at 3 months pregnant       I've always had the most basic, loopy ability to put thought to paper when properly inspired (see: crushed crushes and heartbreak) and can beat a decent piece of writing out of myself for a school assignment, usually fueled by the adrenaline of doing things at the last minute.  But any kind of regular urge to sit down and record thoughts and reflections on life?   Not so much.        The culmination of a nine (no, wait, that's bullshit) ten month pregnancy has left me with somewhere between a long short story and a very short novel in my head.  Here goes, in no particular order.  Welcome to my head.  Please enjoy your stay. Wait...we're WHAT?       We have all had a lot of lifetimes in our lifetime, and I have wiped my slate and started new chapters in defiance of basking in the lukewarm glow of mediocrity or settling for a less than extraordinary life.  I'm guessing more times than the average person.  I also have a